synecdoche.

I’ll leave the wise words to wise men and write messy things.

My life is often filled with chaotic moments when things aren’t quite right. Often times I am reaching past what is easy to have and focusing on what’s almost out of reach. The strain can be maddening, disheartening even.

The most important thing, I remind myself, is to not become bitter at the nice things for being so hard to obtain.

My life is like that now. So many intangibles in my head are caught in the web of loosely defined optimism and skepticism.

I am wagering nearly everything on an idea. That Cuba will teach me something that I need to know, show me something that I need to see, and offer what is needed for me to move forward.

The truth is Cuba, like my life, will be exactly what I make it. No more, no less.

I need to exist outside of the boundary of my own life. I need something external, something new. I am overly adjusted to the small space I occupy and the little microcosm I have become encased in.

I need to see what is outside of the lines and if it changes anything about the life I will come back to.

I remind myself that I built this momentum for a reason, I worked very hard and chose thousands of individual paths that lead me to this trajectory. I put myself here for a reason and now that all the hard work is done I can let inertia take me wherever it will.

The measure of progress is where you stand in the chaos

The day outside is a mirror for reflection. I think most on grey cloudy days when rain could come any second or not at all.

For a while I wasn’t writing. My journals only caught what fell through the cracks, mostly the bad feelings that were too important to forget.

I feel rejuvenated and as I take inventory of my life I am finding good things.

It’s easy to focus my attention on everything that makes that last statement untrue, but I ask myself, “how often has a small portion of the bad spread itself so thin that all the good was covered?”

Too often.

My mind races with ideas until I begin to write. My thoughts hate to be organized with linearity and once I thought this was a bad thing. I’ve come to realize that I feel everything and I think about many aspects of many things. My life is too large to be clarified so easily, I have to build boundaries around what I want to look at so as to not race through other connected thoughts.

What’s important is that a sort of focus is forming and drawing my attention to it. I am making good choices and my life is starting to be representative of this truth.

Next month I will travel to Cuba and stay for 16 days. I will arrive in Havava on my 26th birthday. I want to come back with a fresh new perspective and more knowledge of the world around me. I want to use tho opportunity to immerse myself in another way of life and of thought, allowing it to permeate and change me.

This is a once and a life time chance for me and I am ready for all Cuba has to offer.